My husband is an incredible for so many reasons. He spends so much of his time home playing with his daughter, and the first thing he would do when he got home when Lua was here was give her kisses and hold her! He use to put Lua to bed every night, doing all her trach cares by himself, and now we take turns reading to May at night, when he could totally be resting from working all day. When we go to parks, he is he dad playing with not only his daughter, but all the other kids! I can't even count how many times there is a huge group of kids playing hide and seek in the park with him, while all the other dads are either not there or sitting watching. But I'm not saying this to put down any other dads!!! Not at all!!! I understand most dads are working or need a break to sit, and honestly, I'm that parent who sits and watches their kid instead of playing. I strictly want to brag up my husband because he has done something not many fathers have or will ever do! He held his baby girl as she passed away in his arms.
I know this will sound weird, but many days I think how grateful I am that it was him and not me, I could never have the strength to go on if that would have been me. I like to think Lua knew this, in some sense, because she could have passed at any point while I was holding her, since I had spent all night long holding her. I couldn't, I simply couldn't have done it. I know this has been the hardest thing for my husband to deal with, but because he is the most amazing, strongest, father I know, he will be able to see the blessing it was to be with his baby during that time. No parent can ever imagine what it was like for us that morning, the pain and horror we had to go through. That morning will always be the worst day of my life that gets to replay in my head over and over and over, yet amazingly my husband has been the strength in this family to hold us all together.
He is the best, strongest father I know, and his girls are so lucky to have him. I am so lucky to have him, I really couldn't picture a better father to my kids.
We recently celebrated our 5th year anniversary, actually yesterday. When we got married it was actually on fathers day! I never thought 5 years ago that we would have moved 4 times, had 7 different jobs between the two of us, live in two different towns, have 2 babies, then lose a baby, and now have one on the way. I thought after how hard we fought to be together and how long it took for us to finally be together! I really thought we would kind of just have a boring life once we finally settled down. I realize now that, that will never happen for us! We will never have a boring life, and I really should have known this. I should have expected our kids to be anything but normal and boring! May is nothing more than a spit fire who mesmerizes everyone she meets! And Lua was extraordinary! The smartest baby I have ever seen! I say this not just because I am her mother but because after her being gone and seeing healthy babies, I realized what everyone was saying when they told me how much she could talk with her eyes! The girl didn't need a voice because she spoke in conversations just by looking at you! It was truly amazing, she could captivate anyone who came to see her. One time she was being wheeled down to get a scan on her belly after her gtube, and she totally captivated her respiratory therapist. She looked into his eyes and he was done for, they had a conversation the whole way there! He talked to her and she answered back, and he was just a goner for her ;) And yep those are my kiddos! Me and my husband started out in a very unique situation and I think that will be the pattern of our lives from here on out. I'm really almost afraid of what will be next, but I'm sure it will be extraordinary in one way or another.
And fathers day... I wouldn't know what a good father was if it wasn't for my dad! My parents are both amazing, And my In laws too! Maybe we have unique lives because our parents were so amazing for us! Both our dads are insanely hard working parents, who love their kids to the moon and back and would do anything for us! It is definitely something we should never take for granted. I feel very blessed to have such a strong father figure in my life, and when Lua was born, I saw his vulnerable side. I know that this sounds ironic, but in his vulnerability I also saw how much more strength he was capable of. I'm glad he has always been into medical stuff, because he took on Lua's trach like a champ! No problems with his first time changing her trach, when it totally freaked me out!!!! I don't think there are many more grandpas out there that would take on the task like he did.
Amazing men in my life and I am so so so grateful for each and every one of you!
Happy Fathers Day!
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