Anxious time for all.

Eventually I will post the announcement made on facebook about our expecting. I really didn't want to say anything at all on facebook because facebook is terrible annoying sometimes! But we are attending a birthday party on Sunday and May has been so so so excited that she tells people all the time and I started panicking that she may say something and then it would feel like being singled out and overwhelmed by questions and awkwardness so I figured better to say it now and people can do all their gossiping or thinking or whatever they want to and I dont have to be overwhelmed with everything!
I am surprised at how excited May is. She really loved her baby sister, everything about her! And she is looking forward to the new baby tons. She asks me almost every day if the baby can come out now. But she shares her fears with the new baby just as me and her daddy have the same fears. The other day we were talking about how may will be a big sister again and Lua will be a big sister and Lua probably hand picked this baby just for us! She always surprises me as to what she retains when we talk because a couple days later she asked me, "mommy will Lua give us another baby if this baby dies?"
yikes! Kinda took me back, I have to say I wasn't really expecting her to have the same fears as we do with this pregnancy. I did try to explain to her that Lua was a very special baby and her body didn't work correctly but that is a very rare situation. And later today she asked me what do we have to do to make sure this baby is very healthy? I guess the only thing I could think of is to tell the baby to move a lot! So she walked to my belly and said, move a lot baby!!! It hurts a lot to see her have struggles with all of this. I think part of me thought she wouldn't take the loss so hard being that she is so young. There are a lot of things that she does that I am seeing is a result of grief. She slept in her own bed all night long pretty much every night when lua was with us, she doesn't sleep well at all anymore and started right after we lost Lua. She also started doing this humming noise after Lua passed away but she eventually stopped doing that, but recently has started up again and I think it may have to do with having this extra anxiety. I truly didn't expect her to have so many struggles, but I think that only goes to show what a strong bond they had developed in such a short amount of time that they had together and I'm very proud about that! It is comforting to know that May will be an outstanding big sister again!