Losing a sister

Every day after losing our baby seems like a battle to simply make it to the end of the day. Some days are worse than others and lately there have been more hard days than easy days. There are so many things that we do now that can only be called 'the new normal.' I know many people talk about that, learning to live with a new normal, but it is very hard to understand until you are apart of it, living that new normal. A few things that drastically changed after losing Lua effects mostly May, big sister. May was always a rough sleeper, woke up a lot during the night, very hard to get her to sleep and we worked really hard on getting her better at sleeping in her own room before the new baby would come. Once Lua was here and after 3 months of living in the Ronald house, when we finally got home, May totally surprised me at how good she did with staying in her room, going to bed with ease, not waking up a bunch of times during the night. It was really nice to have her be easy while we had so much to do with Lua and we were all pretty use to our schedule this way. Well after Lua passed away May stopped sleeping through the night, became a little more difficult to get her to go to sleep, and frequently comes into our room over night. I'm already exhausted from dealing with everything else that has changed, I don't even feel like trying to figure out how to get her to stay in her own room, I basically just gave up on it and figured when she is older she will get better. Thankfully this last week she has been sleeping through the night and staying in her own room and being more content on going to bed with out us having to convince her to go to bed. It has been 4 months that the bad sleeping started, I hope this week isnt a fluke thing and she keeps it up. 
Except with this better sleeping thing, her emotions towards losing her sister has gotten worse. She has now started crying saying she misses Lua and wants her to come back. "But why can't we raise her, why can't she live with us?" She will ask me all the time. And a few days ago she looked up into the sky and told her daddy that she wished on a star!!! later she told him, she wished for Lua to come back to us. Ugh. Heartbreaking. At first after losing her, May was positive about it. She would say things like "It's okay, she is with the angels now. I hope she teaches me to fly with the angels!" But now she has been taking it much harder. Maybe she is realizing that Lua isn't coming back now. Maybe seeing other babies around makes her a little sad too. I don't know, It is so hard to try to help your 3 year old understand when you, an adult! can hardly understand any of it either.

They had a really strong bond, I hope they both remember it forever...