The funny thing about grief is, when you are trying to cope with it the smallest things can set you off. Literally the smallest things! It is so unfair, I feel like I'm not a normal person anymore. Well not that I would say I was "normal" before, but I guess the better word would be sane! Stupid grief sits there inside and doesn't go away. You think you have tackled it when you aren't thinking of it, you think it has gone away and only certain times you will be sad. Nope, not so true. It always sit there in your soul until you learn to live with it, at least I'm guessing that is what you have to do is learn to live with it.
It was the dishwasher today... The dumbest, smallest, thing that shouldn't effect anyone, but for me and today it broke me! We have been having problems with it cleaning our dishes, it wont do it! I've tried all these stupid methods to cleaning it and it is just a piece of crap, probably super old and it pushed me over the edge! Why is life still screwing with me? Isn't taking my baby enough? Now really im going to be forced to wash and dry all the dishes by hand when i already have enough crap to do around this stupid house? Apparently life is just content at screwing with me and I should get use to it! See how silly this blow up is? It is a dishwasher, it is washing dishes, simplest thing ever.. but having all this added stress and pain, makes it ridiculous. Or maybe it is because I have this sick 3 year old who doesn't want anything to help her get better but to sit and cry for seriously 24 hours straight because it is too difficult to blow her nose... yikes. One thing that this all has done is make me certain that having any more kids in the future should be out of the picture!!! Some people were made for this parenting business, some just were not!
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