A year ago today I was in labor with our second baby girl. I can't even believe a year has gone by. Honestly it still seems like I just had my first baby yesterday and now my second daughter would be turning 1, that is insane to me! My girls certainly have done their best to traumatize me with never wanting to go through labor again with my first not wanting to come out at all to my second who everyone had to fight to get her to survive. But anyway, I will never forget the first time I saw Lua... It was about 6 hours after I had her and I knew already they didn't think she would survive the next 24 hours. I was nervous to see her, honestly I was afraid of how she would look since they said she had so many problems. But when I walked in there and looked at her, she was perfect. That was so hard, to see this perfect baby and think I wouldn't have her tomorrow. I don't even know how I was able to keep standing from the pain of knowing I would soon lose her. Everything about her was just so perfect, she was so adorable, and as she grew she became so funny with her facial expressions, but early on I knew i wouldn't let her go for anything unless her heart or other organs that were totally necessary, weren't functioning and even then I dont know if I could have taken her off any type of support. Maybe in a sense she knew that and I guess I would like to think that is why we missed any signs that she was having problems because if she would have ended up at the hospital and they kept her on support I never would have made the decision to take her off of it. Either way, I think back to that first moment I saw her and it is painfully beautiful. I see now that was the start of our relationship. I might as well have walked in and said, hi I'm your mommy, we are going to fight through this crazy journey together, nice to meet you Lua, you will be giving me plenty of mini heart attacks but welcome to your family!
Well maybe not exactly that but anyway.
We just finished filling balloons up for the balloon release, I painted cement blocks that were made by my aunts and mom, and everything is seeming to come along. I hope for the best day possible tomorrow and that I am some how able to keep it all together.
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