finding strength

whenever I think of good things to write down about this new journey of life with out my baby, I am never really able to stop what I'm doing and write it down, so then, when I am able to write what I was thinking before, it all sounds too cheesy or out of the moment to actually put the words put there ... Oh well.

Last night was an interesting night for a handful of us, my older daughter May, got a fever while she was at grandmas and grandpas house so grandpa ended up driving all the way to our house to get some Tylenol to help her fever. Usually I wouldn't treat the fever but let it run its course but just for everyone's sanity sake, she got some meds. It is so different now when she gets sick than before Lua... One, she has been sick a ton in a row, every week for the past month, with one hospital stay! I'm starting to think we have a mold problem. Second, we can't take any chances any more. We have to be those insane over protective people because we are scared of it happening again... But so far today all has been fine and we will do as we are always told, to keep watch. (because it worked so well for us last time. >:|   )

Earlier today I took our dog to the dog park before picking up my sick kiddo. Everyone has so kindly passed down the cold to me yet again for the 3rd time in 2 months :( Anyway, it is good to have a dog to make sure you get out and about and get some exercise, that is when I was doing all my best thinking, you know all those nice endorphin's kicking in. I'm glad my dog is forcing me to be outside, today was my favorite type of day, a touch of gloomy but yet warm enough to enjoy the outdoors. While we were there I decided to jog around the park, while my dog flew by running circles around me :-\ but it got me thinking, jogging is something I dont typically do, it is good that I haven't totally given up on life to the point where I avoid doing anything new or different form the norm. I figure that should be what I try to start doing... try to get stronger physically, and add to that mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Whatever each of those mean to me and whatever it takes I am not exactly sure, but hopefully I will be able to find out and not give up. It really isn't fair to Lua, or May, to sit back and just wait for life to pass by, even though I wish Lua could be in my life, I need to start moving forward. That isn't saying I'll never have a bad day and break down, I simply need to work on strengthening one thing that day and include the break downs ;) Maybe those are the days I work on emotions, Well I don't know, this cold has altered my thinking ability so this is probably all rubbish!