day dreaming

Sol did good last night and gained 92 grams... That is a big amount, he lost 16grams the night before but the 92 did more than make up for it. Not sure what he will do tonight now, but we are finally getting places. Basically right now we are just waiting for time to pass, for him to grow bigger and stronger before we can start doing anything else. Our pulmonary doctor will be on next week and she will be the one to lead us in a certain direction as to if we can get him going on the home vent or not. She will be our primary doctor once we leave the nicu, and she, like everyone else, wants him to just grow.

While we are here, I want him to do more with pt/ot... I mentioned to them how we did water therapy for Lua, and that sparked them to want to try it with Sol. Super exciting because ot has been seeing his arm move slightly so they would love to see him in the water and what he would do! Oooohh I bet he would love it!! But I dont think this will happen for awhile, pulmonary doctors feel he is still too weak for most things.

So, no news is good news for now. He will have another trach change on Friday, me or thiago may be the ones to put it in.. It has been awhile since I've put in a trach, which I hated doing before so I'm nervous yet again to change his.

This morning I had my Spotify playing, and it was really being sort of mean... Playing all these songs I use to sing or listen to with Lua, and it is still so painful. Sol has been great at distracting me, but he is also a constant reminder of her because they are so much alike and we are always thinking back on how things were with lua at this stage. When she was in the nicu she did this.. Or that.. And this.. He is doing this and that.. You get it. So I am always thinking of her but usually in a constructive matter that benefits Sol. But this morning hearing our songs, was hard. I realize
how much I will always miss her. This is probably not good for me but I like to picture our family whole. In our new house with may running around, the big boss of the babies, our almost 2 year old perfect and walking around, probably following may and being sassy like she was, and us brining home our new baby that plays on the floor, kick kick kicking away and watching closely to his sisters.
Even if it wasn't that and we had two medically fragile kids at home, it still makes my heart feel warm to have our three babies. But it can't be true so I dont go there often, I just like to day dream occasionally, because why not?

I have caught a sore throat and coughing fits from may, I haven't been near Sol as much because I'm going to do everything possible so he doesn't get sick, therefore i gave myself too much time away to think of other things. It will be nice when I can get back to him and distract myself, or at least hold him, that always helps. The last few days he has been smiling a lot and that helps a ton.. He is beyond adorable when he smiles. Of course I've tried to get a picture but my phone is too slow and he too has caught on to the 'phone came out do nothing!' Trick... But one of these days ill get him!