one month.

I have never really understood how babies can be 4 weeks, but not really a month, but it is 4 weeks.... I don't know but today I'm celebrating his one month birthday. We can celebrate again on the 24th.

I meant to make a post earlier this week, talking about how difficult this week would be because thiago and may left for home. I really haven't ever been away from may before, as much as she can be stressful, she certainly centers me as well. Anyway I never got around to making the post though, I was too depressed at first, and then too busy, so we will just play a catch up game. I do see the need to be keeping track of my days better because I'm so exhausted I can hardly remember what one doctor from this morning told me, nevermind what happened on Monday! That's long gone for me now!

I do remember some big things we did this week though... First may spent all day at day care. She got scared after 4k that no one would come and get her. She told the teacher, it is getting dark, my daddy should be here by now I'm afraid he wont come get me.
The teacher told thiago she does very well at explaining her emotions, she talks big for a 4 year old. But anyway all week was kind of like that, when it got late, she got scared and would be prepared to cry :( but she's a trooper and I'm proud of her, and us, for sticking through it.

As for Sol... On Tuesday when pt came in i was already holding him so they helped me to move him upward on his side so we were a little more chest to chest. It was very sweet and excellent for him to be in a total different position. He has been tolerating positional changes like a champ! Lua would drop her stats if you looked at her wrong! It took a looooong time to get her use to change, he has surprised me immensely! Later that day we had some visitors! It was so nice to see my mom, grandma, and aunt. Especially being alone this week, their overnight stay helped to make it not such a lonely week! My mom got to hold Sol and she even transferred him back to his bed. My mom is a beast! It took me weeks to feel comfortable with carrying him back to bed! This reminds me of her first trach change and how she tackled it head on with like no fear! I was so scared for HER trach change that i took may to the zoo so i didn't have to watch! It was a pretty great few days and sol was content and behaved himself those days, probably because he had so much lady attention.
He is still struggling with weight gain though.. So more fortifying and back to hind milk and fresh. He gained 130 grams one day then lost 90 which was good but then didn't gain the next day. Even tho they tell me they don't go day by day of weight gain, it certainly seems so to me...
After our visitors left, sol and i were able to have a special bonding time, that came along with a room full of people.. But during his speech therapy we were able to take him to empty breast and let him do whatever he wanted basically. There are a ton of benefits from this so it isn't just about feeding, but all the other things he can gain from it. He decided he wanted to sleep a very deep sleep. He tried to suck a little but was mostly tired. It was still an amazing moment that i really never had help doing with lua, we only did these things at home when she was older and here we have a lot of support and help with it and it was pretty awesome.
Sol decided he didn't want me leaving though yesterday, he thought a slumber party would be fun. I went back to the Ronald house last night at 7 only to rush back 15 mins later because they thought he was having a seizure ... A nurse saw his eyes roll back, which they do a lot, but his heart rate went up and they said he became non responsive. I don't know what they mean by that, but i know he was upset when i left and i had asked the nurse to calm him.. So i think he was just mad and rolled his eyes because he can and they got freaked out. So they hooked him up to monitors all night long to watch for any more seizures. I spent the night with him because i didn't want any surprises in the morning. They found nothing, to their dismay, and around noon he was taken off of the monitors. I had strong feeling it was a mishap of the nurse just not knowing him.. Better safe than sorry i suppose.. But now it is their problem because I'm exhausted, stinky and dirty! It is a good thing daddy and may will be here soon so i can at least get a shower!