Stressing...

The last few days have been a lot of struggling.. Every time I check the notes from the doctors I learn something new that I don't want to know. And today the geneticists emailed me and said it sounds like the baby will have to be transferred to one of the bigger children's hospitals as soon as the baby is born. Ah, how frustrating this is. How much time will we get to spend with our baby before he is whisked away and have test after test performed on him? That is not how I want his life to start. I don't want to feel like a project or a rat they perform test on after test. I saw that with Lua and we were so fed up with it that we cancelled all genetic appointments because I couldn't take it anymore! I couldn't watch them poking her over and over and now they want to start right away on our son. I feel like I have no choice in the matter either. When I was in labor with Lua, the thing I could spend my time focusing on was the fact I would soon have a baby I could lay on my chest, right. This helped a lot while I was stuck at 9cm for 3 hours!!!! But I didn't even get to see my baby for 6 hours. I had NO CLUE how bad labor hurt afterwords when you don't get to snuggle the baby!!! With May I don't remember having any hard contractions while the third stage of labor took place... but I felt everything with Lua! How does someone go through labor knowing they wont get to see their baby in the end of it? I get the point that I should be grateful that we are going to have all the precautions taken place for if the worst were to happen, but I won't be able to have another child, and a birthing plan is something really important to me and I feel like I have lost all control over it, just like I had no control in what happened with Lua for 3 months of her life. It is all very hard to take in. I'm trying so hard to see the best side of it and keep the hope up, but i'm having troubles eating and sleeping and the stress is just eating at me.
One day at a time I suppose.