ultrasounds

I enjoy the days when it was exciting to be going in for an ultrasound... But for us lately, ultrasound appointments are depressing. We leave feeling terrible, scared, depressed... Every bad emotion you can feel. I so badly ache for good news.
Everyday seems like a battle recently. There are so many things we need to consider.... We could be looking at our baby having the same issues Lua had, maybe it could be not as severe, or maybe he could be 100% healthy, but if he is, no one will believe it until he is born and tests have been done. This is not the pregnancy I was expecting. I guess I should have known it would be difficult compared to my last two because the ignorance of a healthy pregnancy has been stripped away from us, but I still didn't picture it being this hard.
This Thursday we have our next ultrasound, another very important ultrasound like the last one. It has come to be decided that if he is in the same position yet again, then he most likely has the same genetic issues Lua had. May be a different outcome, but we are still looking at a scary situation. With the diagnosis they are giving Lua, the doctors from Milwaukee want to say that Lua was so severe because of her birth trauma. They want to say this because that way it would explain her diagnosis better because her 'diagnosis' is suppose to be early child onset, luas was evident at birth so this helps them get away with saying she fits the profile, she just had a terrible start that caused a lot of movement damage. Originally we were told she recovered very well from her birth trauma she just had a very severe condition.... Whatever. So this time we can at least figure the best plan possible to cause the least amount of trauma done from the birth process.
It would be wonderful if this little guy could just start moving all over the place at this next ultra sound. I feel like I haven't heard good news from doctors in over two years and it really begins to take a toll on a person...