the show must go on...

This morning I was thinking about this blog and how im a little disappointed that I don't post more. Truthfully though, I only can really post when I am at my computer to be able to type it out. I have tried a few times on my phone and the spelling mistakes and typos are just horrendous and it is also very difficult, then when I am at my computer I am suppose to be working on my very large tshirt orders that I have accumulating, so I just never seem to have time to write anything unless I am avoiding doing something.. haha.. Which today is not the case! I simply have a lot of vinyl that needs cutting so I am waiting for that to get done and have some time to kill.

Although I wish would 'blog' more is because I think it is a great thing to be able to look back at. Some posts are not very easy to go back to which I think is partly a reason why I don't actually come to this page very often because not many posts are very uplifting. Yet that is life, or at least my life, and to be honest most of the things I could be writing are word that definitely are not something that should be unleashed to the world wide web, that could be very scary! It is very hard to be honest "online" about the feelings you go through after you lose a child without offending, well the world. So in case there was wonder as to why there only tends to be posts around Lua's passing and her birthday, this is pretty much why. Difficulty and it not being very legal (or safe) to say the words that I am actually thinking. Hah. So now that I have wasted somebodies time reading all the useless stuff up above, let me think of some updates...

Well one I just thought about this morning, as well and the reason I thought about the blog, Lua would have been 5 next month. I can't even believe it, 5 years old. Seems like so long ago and yet the days of her seem like just yesterday. I can't even believe how big May! or Sol! are. My baby is 3 years old! Seriously don't blink.. time will fade away just like that. Speaking of a 3 year old..

I try to think of special updates that no one else will know, but since most everyone that reads these posts are on my facebook or sols page, you already know and it is kind of boring. I guess this can be an opportunity to give more thoughts on the issues though.. i guess.. Anyway the 3 year old.

Both my kids are enrolled in school now! Although Sold does his from home, that doesn't stop the fundraisers from coming for both kids to do, and all those other special stuff that comes home from the school. I am now swimming in paperwork all the time! But his school is going well! I still am so nervous to think of him actually going to the school. It worries me to think how easily it would be for someone to accidentally pull out his trach or maybe even gtube! I'm a pretty controlling person so the thought of him being at school with just our home nurse and me not being able to see what is happening is very scary for me! I am glad we have this opportunity to ease into it. He loves watching his class as of now though, and he has picked up on coloring with his anti gravity arm sling which has been so fun watching him do! He facetimes his class for about 15 to 20 mins 2x a week, so he watches their morning routines and then the kids are usually off for therapies or other out of classroom activities. One morning he was the helper and that was pretty sweet I wont lie! He got to say the weather and the day and the letter of the week and shape.. he liked the extra attention for sure.
One thing that I haven't told anyone else really, is we are starting the powered wheel chair process. It is going to be a very long process and I am not sure what all will have to change in our lives to have this option, or if they will even find a chair that will work for him at all. So I haven't said anything about that until we know more. We go Thursday to start looking at it. I know nothing can be easy so as exciting as this will be, I am fully prepared to hit road block after road block, because anything you actually need for your kids with medical needs are usually the things everyone else wants to deny you. That is why they have such awesome programs like go baby go or this special needs bike give away contest, or whatever else is out there. I literally don't even know where we will start with this chair option, I actually have a slight suspicion we are going to be told he either wont be able to use a powered chair at all or they will say he wont be able to operate any of them. So we will see what happens with that.

So school has been our big change, the powered wheel chair could possibly become a huge change for us, and everything else is kind of same ol same ol. And since my vinyl is finally done cutting, I suppose it is time to finish this up. But I am going to leave something at the end. It is a banana nut doughnut recipe. I really want it here so I dont lose it again. haha, but if you make it please let me know.

just a note, I did doubled this recipe to get 18 doughnuts, other wise i think this would make about 9 donuts. 

cooking spray
1 cup whole-wheat flour (or any flour)
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons coconut oil (i used regular butter)
2 bananas 
1/4 c maple syrup
1/4 c greek yogurt 
1 egg lightly beaten
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 c walnuts, chopped 

1. preheat oven to 325 degrees. lightly coat a doughnut pan with cooking spray and set aside. These can be made in muffin pans or a bunt pan for one giant doughnut. 
   
2. In a large bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda, and salt. set aside  
3.  In a medium bowl, combine coconut oil, bananas, maple syrup, yogurt, egg, and vanilla, and whisk until smooth. 
4.  Add wet mixture to dry mixture, and stir until just combined. 
5. Pour batter into a resealable plastic bag (or a pastry bag). Cut off one corner of bag and squeeze batter into prepared doughnut pan, about 3/4s full. Top with walnut pieces, and lightly press them into batter. 
6. Bake for 14 to 16 minutes or until doughnuts are golden and spring back when touched. Removed from oven and cool in pan for a few minutes. then carefully turn out onto a wire rack and cool fully. 
   (baking time will vary depending on pan. **I had to bake mine at 350 for 14 minutes**)