year in review

We have made a decision on what we will do. We decided to stay with our more local hospital that has the childrens hospital attached to it and do the csection on December 28th. I don't know if this is the best decision, the right decision, if we will regret this decision or what.. but it is the decision I feel the most comfortable with, so we will stick with it and go with it. We will meet with the doctors of the NICU tomorrow and go through everything. I'm hoping they don't change their mind and tell us that we can't go there in the end, because that will become a very awkward conversation with the Madison hospital after I called and cancelled everything this morning.

So I am on pins and needles right now. In just a few days we will know, finally have answers, and see what our future will become. I had been so excited for Christmas but now with the csection date moved to december 28th, I am just terrified, once Christmas is over this little baby will be coming out. It could or will be a very bitter sweet situation. If he comes out doing pretty good or breathing on his own or maybe just being able to eat on his own, or maybe even moving more than Lua did, we could be in a very good situation. If he comes out and they can't intubate and the worst happens, then it will be a very sad and difficult day and right after Christmas to top it off. In that case I would have wished I could have kept him inside for as long as possible. I do not know what to expect, at all! When I was pregnant with Lua and going into labor I assumed it would be so much like how it was with May, and it was sooo different. First I was induced with May, but I got to end up holding her and having this amazing healthy baby. Lua was a much different case. I am thinking I can just assume that this time this baby's birth will be very similar to Lua's but it will be different already because I am having a csection, which I am terrified for! Anyway, that alone will make the delivery much different, so I really have no clue what to expect to happen with this baby. One moment at a time for the next few days.

I can't really believe it is almost the end of the year already... almost doesn't seem possible! As I go through my pictures and see all the things that happened this year, it could almost be 2 years into one. We were mostly still trying to recover from losing Lua, and it seems like our lives went crazy.
In January my dog was put down after he had gotten pretty sick, probably lymes disease. That was hard, but since it was only a few months after losing Lua, there was nothing that could be as painful as that.. but I do miss him.. He was the last dog we got while living at my parents house, so I remember him the most of all our pets. Best thing about that dog, is while I considered him my dog, he was still mostly my parents responsibility. Now having our own dog as grown ups, it really sucks, you realize how much work these stinkin' dogs are!

May ended up staying over night at the hospital when she got a touch of pneumonia... scariest moment in my life, just a few months after Lua passed away, May gets sick and her oxygen level was terrible. That was a really rough night!

We went to Alton Brown's show (?) not even sure what to call that.. but that was a lot of fun! A great valentines gift!

We celebrated Lua's 1st birthday. What a day that was... It could have been so hard, but with all the wonderful friends and family that came to help us celebrate it and remember her on her day, made the day so much better than I ever expected. Obviously it could have only been better if she would have been here with us. I was just remembering last night how we got the balloons to release the day before the celebration and when I woke up the next morning they were all flat! We had to try to get more done in time and the store didn't have the colors we wanted, they only had white and blue which I was afraid wouldn't show up in pictures against the blue and white sky! It started to become a mini disaster but they did end up giving us the balloons for free and the pictures turned out wonderful. Oh and the cupcakes that were brought! We sure are spoiled by our friends and family!
I also received a wonderful gift from a truly great friend, a remembrance blanket made from Lua's things. Such a precious gift to have! Again, we are pretty spoiled!

Our guinea pig passed away this year.... very bitter sweet thing. He was mine and my husbands first pet, we had him for 5 years! Speaking of which, we celebrated our 5 years of marriage this year! But it was sad to see him go, I am glad I don't have to clean up his poop anymore though...

We had a tattoo party!

We went to DISNEY! May's favorite thing ever! What an amazing trip that was!
And found out that I was pregnant while we were there! It is ironic how that happened. After losing Lua I knew I really wanted another child, not just for me, but for May to have a sibling that she deserves. I went a few months really not trying to prevent it from happening, but then the month I decided it would be really good to wait awhile yet, is the month we find out I'm pregnant. Before getting pregnant I was struggling a lot with my blood pressure, for no reason it seemed it would be pretty high. I was doing Yoga and took salt out of my diet and changed my diet to try to help. I started advocare, but nothing was working. I was really stressed from losing Lua. It really took a toll on me. I couldn't sleep at night. I was constantly frustrated and anxious. My first appointment to confirm pregnancy, my blood pressure was already looking better. With this entire pregnancy I haven't had high blood pressure once, which I assumed we could expect it to go through the roof with all the stress we have been having. This little guy has truly blessed me in the end. Even with all this stress, in a way he took off some of the pain I had from losing Lua. He has given me some hope, and I keep hoping that he will continue to do this for us. We will see. I am thankful for this, even if it has come with a lot of pain. In the end though, I only want what is best for him. 

We Moved to a new city and a New house!

We had an amazing 4th birthday celebration for May! It truly could not have been a better day, and I feel bad that she won't have a birthday celebration next year because there is no way anything could be better than last years!

May started school and she did gymnastics. So fun watching all the new things she has learned and can do now.

My uncle passed away this year, and a cousin. I know many other people have lost loved ones this year too.

We all have made some new friends this year, and you cannot put a price on that, that is for sure.

So it seems like it is only fair that we end this year with a bang and hope that it is a bang in a good way!
Come on baby boy.. everyone is cheering for you!
Thanks for the insane year everyone.