Oh boy, oh boy... This week has started off, well just started off. My hardest struggle with having all of Sols conditions is the fact that it is really needed to have an extra set of hands, nursing. Home nursing is very difficult. With Lua I went through three nurses and I didn't truly like any of them, none of them were good with her and the agency was awful to me. So I left nursing behind when we had Lua. This time we have had two really good nurses, one nurse was someone who only came in for a couple hours, and then we have our regular nurse that pulls more hours. The agency has gone through a lot of changes and making a lot of things difficult for a lot of the workers there. This results in me being with out nursing. I can do a lot of things on my own, I usually do, but right after we get into a good routine something has to get messy to make life even harder. I guess I just got spoiled with having the extra help. I so badly wish I could just do more with Sol, if only he required less suctioning that could make things so much easier. But we have to do what we have to do because we get no other choice. It is only Tuesday, unfortunately, yet the show must go on.
Ugh, ugh ugh...
But since the show must go on, we started monday off with taking May to the dentist to get a second opinion on what to do with her cavities. She did spectacular at the dentist too! This has always been hard for us, she has thrown many fits, one dental hygienist told me she needs to learn how to behave appropriately at the dentist, when she was three, because she cried while they tried to look in her mouth. We kept trying to tell them that if I go back with her she will do fine, but at first impressions they don't allow that so they end up with May crying and not letting them take a look. Now we are so far behind in treating her problem teeth that we have to go to the O/R to take care of all the teeth. It is so frustrating, and I'm not saying we arent at fault for not brushing better, but they spent three visits of her crying and not looking at her teeth! Yet at our appointment yesterday they let me go in with her and she didn't cry, she opened wide, and let them get everything done that needed to be done. Shocker. I'm not sure when things took a turn where doctors feel like parents don't know what is best for their own children.
I suppose I shouldn't go on, little sleep and lots of frustrations means bad words coming out and bad opinions.
Here is to friday!
Tuesday, September 13, 2016
Friday, September 9, 2016
just fix him.
We have had the week this week, and it isn't over yet. Our regular nurse had something come up so we have been on out own since last Thursday. Isn't a huge deal because I've done it before, it just gets a little tricky with picking may up from school. It is nice to have an extra hand for that, but it isn't impossible for me to take sol to go get her. I say that but i only went to get her once this week.. So it is kind of a chore. Id hate to send her on the bus this year, mostly because we are so close to the school and thiagos job is literally right next to her school, but maybe next year we will have to consider the bus. Anyway.... Sol and i went to get her on Wednesday. He did 'fine' but the stares i get is ridiculous. You never feel so low in your life than when you are in a room full of a ton of parents sending you pity because you have a child with so much extra needs. Then there happened to be a lady who had a baby the exact same age as sol and she came running over to look at him, to compare, and it went from "oh look at this little cutie" to "oh my will he survive" super quickly.
I know many people would say that i don't have a problem being open about sols condition... But it just bothers me to be trying to do something normal and everyone making it seem so abnormal. I don't know how i want people to react but i don't want pity.
Nothing makes you feel more abnormal than having a fill in nurse constantly remind you how not normal your situation is. As if my week wasn't different enough, i had to have this fill in nurse basically ask me, well why dont you just fix him. Just fix him. Whoa! Why didn't i think of that!??? There we go of course ill just fix him. That makes sense. Well because you know there was this girl who was born with no bones and doctors overseas were able to find the problem and give her the missing component and she started growing bones! Surly if they did it for bones they can fix muscle. I wish i could tell that to the other hundreds of parents with kids with muscle conditions and tell them all they need to do is fix their child and go overseas. There are so many problems with this. First i had to remind her what an undiagnosed condition meant... And also i need to see if that story is even real. And lastly if i was a millionaire i bet we could find a genetic doctor to find the problem and fix it. But with out money, with out awareness, a cure is far away. Besides that, i daily am trying to find something i can do to help and im so glad it took two people this week to break me. First, the lady with the healthy, normal baby, exactly sols age making me feel like there will never be a time we could go out with Sol and just have it be normal, and the nurse who is very ignorant to muscle conditions, spewing her mouth. It is my fault too because I asked to have a back up nurse be trained and I should have known... should. have. known. To be fair she actually doesnt have a lot of experience and is not an RN so Im not even sure why they sent her, I guess so she could see something new and rare or something like that. She told me how the other kiddo she watches is going to get his trach out soon and then the family can go back to a normal life. Sometimes we have new normal, but ignorant people will never see that. Black and white that is it.
I was really upset after the nurse left and when I started this post, I couldn't shake it off. But now after a sleep and playing with Sol on the floor, I remember how it doesn't matter. I can ask to not have the nurse back, but it sucks that it is so difficult to find good nursing help. Her opinion simply doesn't matter. I've been too spoiled to meet so many people that are more understanding of the situation and take the time to listen and try to understand the situation instead of just throwing out all their opinions with out knowing a single thing about the situation.
The show must go on though.
But you should have heard the conversation I had with her explaining how it isnt just that easy to "fix" it... I did get her to shut up for a few seconds at least.
Nothing makes you feel more abnormal than having a fill in nurse constantly remind you how not normal your situation is. As if my week wasn't different enough, i had to have this fill in nurse basically ask me, well why dont you just fix him. Just fix him. Whoa! Why didn't i think of that!??? There we go of course ill just fix him. That makes sense. Well because you know there was this girl who was born with no bones and doctors overseas were able to find the problem and give her the missing component and she started growing bones! Surly if they did it for bones they can fix muscle. I wish i could tell that to the other hundreds of parents with kids with muscle conditions and tell them all they need to do is fix their child and go overseas. There are so many problems with this. First i had to remind her what an undiagnosed condition meant... And also i need to see if that story is even real. And lastly if i was a millionaire i bet we could find a genetic doctor to find the problem and fix it. But with out money, with out awareness, a cure is far away. Besides that, i daily am trying to find something i can do to help and im so glad it took two people this week to break me. First, the lady with the healthy, normal baby, exactly sols age making me feel like there will never be a time we could go out with Sol and just have it be normal, and the nurse who is very ignorant to muscle conditions, spewing her mouth. It is my fault too because I asked to have a back up nurse be trained and I should have known... should. have. known. To be fair she actually doesnt have a lot of experience and is not an RN so Im not even sure why they sent her, I guess so she could see something new and rare or something like that. She told me how the other kiddo she watches is going to get his trach out soon and then the family can go back to a normal life. Sometimes we have new normal, but ignorant people will never see that. Black and white that is it.
I was really upset after the nurse left and when I started this post, I couldn't shake it off. But now after a sleep and playing with Sol on the floor, I remember how it doesn't matter. I can ask to not have the nurse back, but it sucks that it is so difficult to find good nursing help. Her opinion simply doesn't matter. I've been too spoiled to meet so many people that are more understanding of the situation and take the time to listen and try to understand the situation instead of just throwing out all their opinions with out knowing a single thing about the situation.
The show must go on though.
But you should have heard the conversation I had with her explaining how it isnt just that easy to "fix" it... I did get her to shut up for a few seconds at least.
Friday, September 2, 2016
goodbye August.
We have had some busy weeks lately. After we all beat that stomach bug, summer school started and when it ended it left us with another bug floating around. First May, than of course Sol caught it, then even daddy. I was the last to get it, when I thought I would miss out all together but no luck. It has taken Sol the longest to get over it, a 2 day cold bug for May lasted at least a good week for Sol. But this is progress, his first cold took him a month to beat. His stomach bug took 11 days and a hospitalization. So a week-ish, isn't bad. His main symptoms went away around day 5 or day 6 but he continues to have a large amount of secretions and drool and aspirating all of that daily so I am needing to do coughs with him almost hourly or more. He has recovered though and that is what is important. He was suppose to get his shots a couple weeks ago but we pushed those back like three times so today we finally got to them. He is only months behind on all his shots... what are you going to do though if he is always getting sick, ugh... it is going to be a long winter. I probably shouldn't even say that, I said the same thing in my caringbridge site that I had for Lua when she got her first sickness and she never recovered from it, so yes it was a very long winter. :( I'm hoping for a much better winter this time around, but you never ever know.
Speaking of shots... I have been very lucky to be surrounded with doctors and nurses that are very good at listening to me and my concerns, I mean I've had the normal stuff come up while in the nicu about the feeding and gaining weight issues, but I've learned to pick my battles.... Today reminded me, though, how difficult it can be sometimes to advocate for your child. Every parent has to do it, healthy or not, but it is frustrating. sometimes i wish medical staff could put aside the normal go-to routine of things and just listen to the parent. I had a nurse today that i dont think she knows what a muscle disease is.... she kept talking like she knew everything but she wasn't listening to a word of what I was saying and trying to explain to her... This situation isn't a big deal at all really.. It was just the fact that I was reminded that it is difficult sometimes to advocate for your child. It was suppose to be a really easy, fast, simple appointment, but I will always have to explain how Sol is, always. Some days i'd like to not. Or at least say what needs to be said and the person understand instead of telling me what they do for normal kids. I guess it is hard to understand unless being in the situation, but it just annoyed me today.
Sol will also start casting for his knees at the end of this month. This is such a bitter sweet situation because I'm very excited to see the results from it, yet at the same time it is going to be a pain and he will be uncomfortable and wont get to do a lot of the things he likes, like bath time and certain positions. But we will just have to push through and hope that at the end of the casting he will have more movement in his legs and once they are straight we can start trying out standers for him to do some weight bearing on those leggies of his. A very bitter sweet situation, I just hope we don't end up regretting doing this, by putting him through this if it doesnt work or if he gets too sick or anything like that. One cast at a time. Maybe he will do some more sleeping to catch up on all the naps he ISNT taking anymore... I wasnt aware 8 month olds stopped taking naps already -_- .
Now the biggest problem I am facing is actually with May and the stupid dentist... I am still surprised that they are so into putting kids under to fix teeth, I can't decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing to do. I can't read if it is my ignorance about the issue, or if it really is unnecessary.. ugh and there really isn't a lot of information on the topic, so much going on! Now school being started and then casting starting, A lot to take in.
Facebok does those memories daily, it is where I get my daily dose of Lua. I use to look at her pictures daily, watch her videos daily, but I find now that it is too hard to do it. I have to go awhile with out looking at them and when I do look at them it is really too difficult... I don't know why that is, I know I am disappointed that we didn't take the same route with her as we took with Sol. I can't even figure out why we couldn't have been directed to go the same route... there just becomes too many questions and I have to stop myself. I wish I could still surround myself with her things and her videos and pictures but if I do sometimes I worry my heart will actually break apart. So I stay distracted, it isn't too hard with everything going on.
Speaking of shots... I have been very lucky to be surrounded with doctors and nurses that are very good at listening to me and my concerns, I mean I've had the normal stuff come up while in the nicu about the feeding and gaining weight issues, but I've learned to pick my battles.... Today reminded me, though, how difficult it can be sometimes to advocate for your child. Every parent has to do it, healthy or not, but it is frustrating. sometimes i wish medical staff could put aside the normal go-to routine of things and just listen to the parent. I had a nurse today that i dont think she knows what a muscle disease is.... she kept talking like she knew everything but she wasn't listening to a word of what I was saying and trying to explain to her... This situation isn't a big deal at all really.. It was just the fact that I was reminded that it is difficult sometimes to advocate for your child. It was suppose to be a really easy, fast, simple appointment, but I will always have to explain how Sol is, always. Some days i'd like to not. Or at least say what needs to be said and the person understand instead of telling me what they do for normal kids. I guess it is hard to understand unless being in the situation, but it just annoyed me today.
Sol will also start casting for his knees at the end of this month. This is such a bitter sweet situation because I'm very excited to see the results from it, yet at the same time it is going to be a pain and he will be uncomfortable and wont get to do a lot of the things he likes, like bath time and certain positions. But we will just have to push through and hope that at the end of the casting he will have more movement in his legs and once they are straight we can start trying out standers for him to do some weight bearing on those leggies of his. A very bitter sweet situation, I just hope we don't end up regretting doing this, by putting him through this if it doesnt work or if he gets too sick or anything like that. One cast at a time. Maybe he will do some more sleeping to catch up on all the naps he ISNT taking anymore... I wasnt aware 8 month olds stopped taking naps already -_- .
Now the biggest problem I am facing is actually with May and the stupid dentist... I am still surprised that they are so into putting kids under to fix teeth, I can't decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing to do. I can't read if it is my ignorance about the issue, or if it really is unnecessary.. ugh and there really isn't a lot of information on the topic, so much going on! Now school being started and then casting starting, A lot to take in.
Facebok does those memories daily, it is where I get my daily dose of Lua. I use to look at her pictures daily, watch her videos daily, but I find now that it is too hard to do it. I have to go awhile with out looking at them and when I do look at them it is really too difficult... I don't know why that is, I know I am disappointed that we didn't take the same route with her as we took with Sol. I can't even figure out why we couldn't have been directed to go the same route... there just becomes too many questions and I have to stop myself. I wish I could still surround myself with her things and her videos and pictures but if I do sometimes I worry my heart will actually break apart. So I stay distracted, it isn't too hard with everything going on.
Friday, August 19, 2016
Little lives
I've made the switch to the iPhone... The doctors were having a hard time hearing me so I needed to update my phone and finally decided to go with the iPhone after resisting all these years. But now I don't know why I resisted. It is amazing to use a phone that actually opens up apps! Compared to my windows phone that was pretty outdated and nothing really supported it. Oh well. Anyway..
This week my heart was shattered again hearing about the sweetest little boy who passed away. Little Logan, if you are on my Facebook you have seen some things about him. He had such the sweetest little soul, if I could meet anyone in the world it would be him. He is one of those babies that makes you feel blessed just to know his name. Amazing baby. He has had one thing after another thrown at him since he was born, yet he took it all with a huge smile on his face. This little boy was sure loved too. He radiated love in all his pictures, just the most precious thing ever. My heart hurts so much for his mommy and daddy, they poured their lives into him and gave him so much. I remember after losing lua how blah life became. There is so much that goes into having a special needs child, it becomes hard to know what to do with yourself when they are gone. It is eerie to not have all the machines. It is extra dark with out their equipment shining at night. It is lonely, and it just overall hurts. Now this precious family has to take all of this in. It is hard. Genetics suck. It is so hard to comprehend that one tiny little gene change can cause all of these crazy issues to happen to our babies.
I look at sol and how much he has improved since birth, yet he is still no where near being able to move like a normal baby. I still wonder what happened that could cause this much damage to him, I'll always wonder that, but I know it doesn't matter. What matters is to keep moving forward and enjoy every day, every moment, because some day maybe there won't be another day. I know that all too well and seeing what this family went through and seeing another baby lose his life, is a huge reminder.
Tonight I think we will light some lanterns and send them off in memory of Logan, lua, and all those gone too soon. Wishing for a day where babies don't have to be affected by such diseases.
This week my heart was shattered again hearing about the sweetest little boy who passed away. Little Logan, if you are on my Facebook you have seen some things about him. He had such the sweetest little soul, if I could meet anyone in the world it would be him. He is one of those babies that makes you feel blessed just to know his name. Amazing baby. He has had one thing after another thrown at him since he was born, yet he took it all with a huge smile on his face. This little boy was sure loved too. He radiated love in all his pictures, just the most precious thing ever. My heart hurts so much for his mommy and daddy, they poured their lives into him and gave him so much. I remember after losing lua how blah life became. There is so much that goes into having a special needs child, it becomes hard to know what to do with yourself when they are gone. It is eerie to not have all the machines. It is extra dark with out their equipment shining at night. It is lonely, and it just overall hurts. Now this precious family has to take all of this in. It is hard. Genetics suck. It is so hard to comprehend that one tiny little gene change can cause all of these crazy issues to happen to our babies.
I look at sol and how much he has improved since birth, yet he is still no where near being able to move like a normal baby. I still wonder what happened that could cause this much damage to him, I'll always wonder that, but I know it doesn't matter. What matters is to keep moving forward and enjoy every day, every moment, because some day maybe there won't be another day. I know that all too well and seeing what this family went through and seeing another baby lose his life, is a huge reminder.
Tonight I think we will light some lanterns and send them off in memory of Logan, lua, and all those gone too soon. Wishing for a day where babies don't have to be affected by such diseases.
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
just living
This morning when I woke up I was thinking how badly I wish Sol could be hitting milestones every other baby his age are hitting. It hurts a lot reading those updates on how old your child is and what they should be doing and knowing your baby is far behind on those things. For a moment I thought to myself, man I wish he was normal.
This seems obvious right? Everyone wishes the same thing, that he was a normal baby, of course I wished he didn't have this medical condition as I have said many times, but I don't think I ever stopped and thought those exact words, I wish he was 'normal'. I almost instantly regretted it. No one is 100% normal, even those who think they are, what is normal right? We still work towards milestones every day, we are just very far behind. Although, almost as soon as I thought that we had an incident that made me realize I don't wish he was normal, what I wish is that i didn't have to worry about him passing away at any second. Being normal makes it seem a lot less likely that a child will pass away even if that isn't a promise, it is easier. Sol having the condition he has means he wont live as long as those normal people. I know I've said this before but just reminding.
Sol had a rough night, something has been bothering him so he slept in this morning for a change. After he woke up I brought him to the living room to start our day. Summer school is going on this week so Sol and I get a little cuddle time in the mornings before the nurse gets in and im off getting things done. But Sol had different plans this morning. As I was changing his diaper he started crying really hard for a few seconds, after that his heart rate dropped to 90, which isn't very normal of him, but his lips turned a blue color. He recovered in seconds but I instantly worried if he was going to stay recovered or go down hill from this. I called my husband to come home and Sol seemed to be doing better, I did end up bagging him just to see if that would help the color come back along with suctioning and doing some coughs on him. He was fine until Thiago got home and pretty shortly after he walked in the door he did another little episode, a hard cry, dip in heart rate, blueish lips. Seconds he recovered again but what was going on?! We called the doctors and also had a visit already scheduled with his family doctor anyway. After telling madison what happened they seemed to believe he had a plug in his trach and wanted us to change out the trach and what not to see if that helped. I'm really doubtful it was a plug in the trach, it seems like something else was going on. Regardless, we made the changes they recommended, but he didn't have any more episodes the rest of today so far, even before any changes were made. He has still been throwing up, so his family doctor wonders if he was retching during this episode and that is what caused everything. Who knows, but we ended up doing an xray just to rule out lung issues, and the xray came back looking good.
As quickly as I wished for normal, I wish for just living. I really don't like having days like today to remind me to just be happy with what we have because I know any day things could change and most likely it won't be for the better.
This seems obvious right? Everyone wishes the same thing, that he was a normal baby, of course I wished he didn't have this medical condition as I have said many times, but I don't think I ever stopped and thought those exact words, I wish he was 'normal'. I almost instantly regretted it. No one is 100% normal, even those who think they are, what is normal right? We still work towards milestones every day, we are just very far behind. Although, almost as soon as I thought that we had an incident that made me realize I don't wish he was normal, what I wish is that i didn't have to worry about him passing away at any second. Being normal makes it seem a lot less likely that a child will pass away even if that isn't a promise, it is easier. Sol having the condition he has means he wont live as long as those normal people. I know I've said this before but just reminding.
Sol had a rough night, something has been bothering him so he slept in this morning for a change. After he woke up I brought him to the living room to start our day. Summer school is going on this week so Sol and I get a little cuddle time in the mornings before the nurse gets in and im off getting things done. But Sol had different plans this morning. As I was changing his diaper he started crying really hard for a few seconds, after that his heart rate dropped to 90, which isn't very normal of him, but his lips turned a blue color. He recovered in seconds but I instantly worried if he was going to stay recovered or go down hill from this. I called my husband to come home and Sol seemed to be doing better, I did end up bagging him just to see if that would help the color come back along with suctioning and doing some coughs on him. He was fine until Thiago got home and pretty shortly after he walked in the door he did another little episode, a hard cry, dip in heart rate, blueish lips. Seconds he recovered again but what was going on?! We called the doctors and also had a visit already scheduled with his family doctor anyway. After telling madison what happened they seemed to believe he had a plug in his trach and wanted us to change out the trach and what not to see if that helped. I'm really doubtful it was a plug in the trach, it seems like something else was going on. Regardless, we made the changes they recommended, but he didn't have any more episodes the rest of today so far, even before any changes were made. He has still been throwing up, so his family doctor wonders if he was retching during this episode and that is what caused everything. Who knows, but we ended up doing an xray just to rule out lung issues, and the xray came back looking good.
As quickly as I wished for normal, I wish for just living. I really don't like having days like today to remind me to just be happy with what we have because I know any day things could change and most likely it won't be for the better.
Sunday, August 7, 2016
stomach flu
Sol has been sick with a stomach bug for a week today... Uhhh I wish so badly he would be over this now. We can't move him too much because he throws up easily right now. The poor guy gets stuck laying around a lot now because of how quickly he throws up. A week. A full week he has been throwing up and not able to be moved too much, it is hard to watch. We can't work on anything and we can hardly hold him, so very very hard. He went on a continuous feed at the hospital and we have continued doing that. At some points he acts like he is feeling so good and then just as quickly, he gets so sick. I really thought he would be doing better by now but it really hasn't happened yet. Everyone keeps saying it will just take him long because of his condition and being a baby, it is just hard to see him be sick for so long.
Sometimes I can't believe there are people out there that dont have to worry about slight colds or stomach bugs could take their childs life. I don't even remember how it was to live like that knowing the smallest thing wouldn't take my child from me. Or the fact that most parents go about their days never thinking their baby wont live to see age 5, 10, or 20... It literally blows my mind. I know we have that with may, but then again knowing what we know now and losing lua, I know we have no guarantees that any of us will make it to tomorrow, but some people live in such innocent bliss that nothing bad could ever happen to their child or themselves. I wish I had that feeling. I wish I didn't have to fear that I may have to plan another funeral for my child for the second time, and in reality I know someday I will. Dwelling on that fact can drive me crazy with anxiety and depression so I try not to think about it, but when he gets sick it is hard for me to ignore. I know he is a strong little mister, but I also know how weak he can be because of his condition so I know how fast things could turn on us. So many people at the hospital asked us how we were doing at home and I never went onto detail, we are doing so that's good enough. I'd hate to say good and tomorrow have him stop breathing, so for everyone's sake I just tell people we are doing. I want to be doing great. I want to be able to say that. I want to be able to watch sol try to crawl and babble so bad. I wish I could just inject him with all of my muscle, he wouldn't even need all of it just enough to hold his head , walk and breathe well enough. It gets so frustrating, as most of you can tell. And sick days take a toll on me. It becomes many days of being worried and lack of sleep and still trying to keep things normal for may. So much. I follow some babies who have progressive diseases so the parents are aware each day is a gift, and it really blows my mind how so few parents actually live like this. I just can't get over it sometimes. Oh well.
It was good to see the hospital crew again, we were able to get sols stroller and order a neck collar for him to help him hold his head up on his own. That could take just a few weeks to get, as long as sol has stopped throwing up by then... I dont know we will see I suppose.
most parents wouldn't get excited about a neck collar so their child could finally hold their head up on their own.....oh the joys.
Sometimes I can't believe there are people out there that dont have to worry about slight colds or stomach bugs could take their childs life. I don't even remember how it was to live like that knowing the smallest thing wouldn't take my child from me. Or the fact that most parents go about their days never thinking their baby wont live to see age 5, 10, or 20... It literally blows my mind. I know we have that with may, but then again knowing what we know now and losing lua, I know we have no guarantees that any of us will make it to tomorrow, but some people live in such innocent bliss that nothing bad could ever happen to their child or themselves. I wish I had that feeling. I wish I didn't have to fear that I may have to plan another funeral for my child for the second time, and in reality I know someday I will. Dwelling on that fact can drive me crazy with anxiety and depression so I try not to think about it, but when he gets sick it is hard for me to ignore. I know he is a strong little mister, but I also know how weak he can be because of his condition so I know how fast things could turn on us. So many people at the hospital asked us how we were doing at home and I never went onto detail, we are doing so that's good enough. I'd hate to say good and tomorrow have him stop breathing, so for everyone's sake I just tell people we are doing. I want to be doing great. I want to be able to say that. I want to be able to watch sol try to crawl and babble so bad. I wish I could just inject him with all of my muscle, he wouldn't even need all of it just enough to hold his head , walk and breathe well enough. It gets so frustrating, as most of you can tell. And sick days take a toll on me. It becomes many days of being worried and lack of sleep and still trying to keep things normal for may. So much. I follow some babies who have progressive diseases so the parents are aware each day is a gift, and it really blows my mind how so few parents actually live like this. I just can't get over it sometimes. Oh well.
It was good to see the hospital crew again, we were able to get sols stroller and order a neck collar for him to help him hold his head up on his own. That could take just a few weeks to get, as long as sol has stopped throwing up by then... I dont know we will see I suppose.
most parents wouldn't get excited about a neck collar so their child could finally hold their head up on their own.....oh the joys.
Thursday, August 4, 2016
5 year old
Today May is 5 years old!!! It is unbelievable how fast time goes and that she can already be 5!! It is super depressing.. Do all parents feel like this as their kids age? I guess another reason to not have anymore kids! Having her was a completely different experience than lua and sol, obviously. She made me a mom and every day she is still teaching me how to be a mom. I can't even express how badly I wish i could have had the same experiences with lua and sol that I did with may. We had challenges but watching this little baby grow and learn the way she has, has been amazing. I miss her baby days soooooo much. I know I wrote before about how seeing other babies and families with babies bum me out, but really looking back at Mays baby pictures and videos, make me the most depressed. How much fun we had with May as a baby was a great selling point in having another child even though we were really on the fence about it. I miss those days. But have to look forward and not at the past I suppose and hope for another amazing 5+ years with her.
We are currently still in the hospital with sol and his stomach bug and may is at the grandparents house. I had planned to take her to the mall and do play and shopping today, but plans change :( I'm really sad I'm not with her right now to give her a great day, but she will probably have more fun with grandma anyway. We have a party planned on Saturday for miss may, and I'm hoping so badly we will still be able to do it. I hope we will be able to get out of here today, but who knows what will happen.
happy birthday may! My first baby! I love you my little 5 year old!
We are currently still in the hospital with sol and his stomach bug and may is at the grandparents house. I had planned to take her to the mall and do play and shopping today, but plans change :( I'm really sad I'm not with her right now to give her a great day, but she will probably have more fun with grandma anyway. We have a party planned on Saturday for miss may, and I'm hoping so badly we will still be able to do it. I hope we will be able to get out of here today, but who knows what will happen.
happy birthday may! My first baby! I love you my little 5 year old!
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