The day we went to the cardiologist we saw this rainbow over the highway. When you have a baby after a loss, they call that next baby a rainbow baby... so we were thinking maybe we would get to the appointment and he would be moving a ton and everything we have gone through was just a fluke and he was really healthy and fine! But even though that didn't really happen, his heart at least looked fine and all the tests that have come back so far have been looking good, so the doctors have decided that we will just keep monitoring it for now but no other interventions are needed at this time. Which is good! I have been monitoring his heart rate at home as well and it is usually 130s to 140s so I haven't caught him acting up yet, so maybe the heart thing was just a fluke and that is what the rainbow was for. That would still be wonderful.
Time is really going by now, we are already at 33 weeks, Lua came at 38 weeks so we could potentially have only 5 weeks left! It is very scary. I have no idea what to expect. I hope sooooo badly that this baby will come out screaming and crying! That would be the best thing in the world! I would love if he came out kicking and hitting! But I am not sure if that will happen. But it is what it is now and I wish there was more I could do, but it is all up to how he developed now. The raw truth is I have been working to prepare myself for potentially losing another baby and/or having another baby with many medical needs. I have left room in his room for medical supplies, although I will have to find more room depending on what all he needs, but I feel like this is the best thing for me to do. I am hoping he comes out 100% normal! I would even love it if he came out breathing and had limited movement that we can work on. If the worst is to happen, though, although I could never be fully prepared, at least I will have been some what prepared and we can go from there. I hope that I will be able to rise up to the challenge again and be stronger than I was last time and do better than I did for Lua. We will see.
I keep thinking about what my husband told me in his email, how much we really have, and that helps a lot. Even if he is as bad as Lua, we get another baby to love! And that is the best part. I can't wait to see his cute little face and to have a BOY! Never got to experience this before and it has become very exciting. I didn't think I would get to the point of being excited to have a boy until he was here because I am so use to girls, but seeing him so much in ultra sounds it is like we know him so well already. I really can't wait to see him... and I am hoping so very badly that he will surprise us ALL, in a good way of course!
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