Everyone is all over here getting pregnant left and right or delivering their babies, and I can't help but be slightly jealous that they will all get to go home with their perfect bundle of joys, while we will be here hoping we can go home with out a trach, and with a baby in general.
I hate reading those updates you get from baby websites about what your baby should be doing at each week. The last few weeks they say movement should be getting stronger and stronger and baby will be more and more active. I can still go a good amount of time before I feel anything from him. Then sometimes I get that little glimmer of hope of, Wow that was a really big kick! But one big kick a day won't get us a healthy baby. I wish I could prepare myself for everything that is about to come. This pregnancy has really showed me, though, that I am glad I didn't know ahead of time anything was wrong with Lua, because this is just torture, wondering every day how bad he is doing in there, how will he be born, will he be able to breathe, will he be moving at all?
I want to be okay with the fact that May could potentially be our only child. And some days I think that I am okay with it, but I know once I see our baby, and if he doesn't survive, I won't be okay with it. I tried to tell myself the same thing about Lua some times. That if something happened, I had to be okay with it and accept it. I lied to myself thinking I could ever be okay with it... you can't be okay with letting your child go, not at any age, not under any circumstances.
Today, I think will be the last appointment I will have with my normal ob doctor, in a few weeks I see the ob from the hospital with the NICU attached where I will hopefully be able to deliver. But I am glad I am having an appointment today because the last few days have been pretty miserable... I'm hoping nothing else is going on... but if there is I hope we can figure out what it is. Maybe it is all a third pregnancy kind of thing??? I am should be going for a fetal MRI to make sure baby doesnt have a blockage in his air way, but that didn't get scheduled yet, and I'm a little nervous that baby boy might want to make his appearance sooner rather than later. I do hope he can stay in there until January, but all this pain everywhere makes me question what is going on in there?!!
On other news...
Our daughter has been doing pretty good at staying in her room over night! After a little hiccup from her getting a pretty nasty cold, she has bounced back into the routine and has been doing really well. Last night she even slept 10 hours straight! I don't know if she has done that in weeks!
We also had our first parent teacher conference! Ugh it is kind of sad! My only healthy baby is growing waaay to fast and we will never get these typical firsts again :(
But is it just me or is there a lot more pressure on kids to be meeting academic milestones a lot sooner now? Oh well... we have work to do on getting her more comfortable with school, but I honestly don't blame her. That is probably the problem ;) ha.
A year ago we got our rainbow doggie... Mr. Mallo. Man he is a handful and such a little devil! But he has for sure been interesting and a great distraction for all of us! And even though he is the littlest monster ever, he has a pretty good demeanor and I'm glad he doesn't poop or pee inside our house, sleeps well, comes when he is called. He made me so proud this morning, I opened the door and watched him do his stuff and he came right back to the door! I didn't even have to step outside to tie him up! Which is really nice since it is insanely cold and windy outside! If something happens to our baby, I think we will just become official crazy dog people.
I think he wanted a walk....
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