can't.

The last few days haven't been going so well. Sol has started this new thing where he will dip his oxygen levels down to 88 and then bounce back up, but he does this a few times in a row and suctioning isn't the reason behind it. He also is sitting lower at night for oxygen than his normal as well. No clue what is going on or why. I've called the docs a few times over the last few days, one doctor order a chest xray which we did earlier today. Haven't heard the results back on that yet.

This has all been very stressful, it doesn't help that since he is dipping his oxygen we are waking up many times over night to check on him, we are back to the no sleeping thing again. Ugh. When you get little sleep, everything seems much worse as well. The upside, I finally worked things out with a nursing agency and we had a nurse come out today and will have one again tomorrow and thursday so this week will be the week of training nurses and hopefully this will help with a few things.

One huge problem we are having is the fact that he has soooo much saliva, soooo so so much going on in his mouth. I'm not certain he is teething but I'm leaning towards the fact that he is? The other night when this all started he wanted to suck very badly, making loud smacks and sucking motion. His heart rate was up, and he looked uncomfortable and wasn't going to sleep, and this was at 1am. I did end up giving him a tiny amount of Tylenol because I was out of ideas of what to do for him. After he got that though, he did end up going right to sleep and looked a lot better. I can't say I'm certain he is teething, but he has a ton of drool going on either way. He ended up throwing up for the first time because of all the spit in his mouth.. he started gagging on it and ended up spitting up a ton of saliva. I feel so bad for him, he just isn't able to tolerate all of the secretions going on in his mouth, so I called to see if we could try these drops that dry up his mouth some and see if that would help. We got the drops yesterday and we did one dose, but then today I did 3 doses and the last dose had results. His mouth did dry up, he didn't need much suctioning at all, but his heart rate was higher than normal and he started to get way too thick with his secretions in his trach and I don't want to have to deal with plugs, so I don't think I'm going to do the drops again, not right now, not until we figure everything else out. I just don't know what is going on and that is so hard, the unknown, the fear of what will happen over night. Will we lose him all of a sudden, or is this not as big of a deal as I feel like it is?! I don't know and I am losing my mind. I feel I just cannot do this, I am so not made for this, and having the loss of Lua hanging over my head, makes all of this even worse. I can't do it again, I don't know what would help, but I wish there was something. Maybe tonight will go better, maybe the doctors will have some ideas for us tomorrow, maybe, maybe, maybe....?