As I'm writing this I still can't believe she is gone. She has been apart of my life for so long I can't imagine life with out her. Unfortunately these last few months have stopped me from being able to see her. I was hoping my aunts would bring her to the hospital but it just didn't work out. I was anticipating her meeting sol. I know she was excited we had a boy, and I know how much she loved lua and how she enjoyed holding lua, when most people were a little nervous holding her, my grandma always wanted to have her in her arms. I know she would have been so happy to hold sol, I really thought that day would come.
I don't like to make people dying about me because it isnt, but since we live life in first person, it is hard to not make it about ones self after losing someone. But for my grandma, she was in my life a lot, a huge part of my life, I never could image her being gone, so what I have left are all the memories I have with her.
I have been pretty close with my grandma for my whole life. I was 6 weeks old when my grandpa passed away and she spent a lot of time with me to keep her distracted. Many of my memories from when I was younger are about me being with her. I think it was Thursday or Fridays after work she would take me to get ice cream at the big dipper? If I remember it right. I remember spending a lot of evenings at her house where she would make mac and cheese and ice cream sundaes, she liked ice cream.... I remember it was her that showed me you could put pepper on mac and cheese, literally blew my mind. I even gave her a name that she would go by for many years, I still call her by it, I dont know why but I called her Bucka, and soon most everyone else did too. She got a license plate with bucka on it. I love her very much.
When she remarried and moved to Appleton, that felt hard for me because before that she was just two miles away. But during the summers I would go there and spend a week or so with her. One year we got beta fishes, she had a huge aquarium in her house so we put then together. This was the first time we ever saw beta fish and in the morning her fish killed mine!!! She took me back so we could get another. I had that fish for 2 years after that. We kept them separated after that too. Any time we would go shopping we would have to go as early in the morning as possible, that was just her thing. Beat the crowds. I loved visiting her and I loved Appleton, she showed me all around that place and I so badly wanted to go to fox valley tech because I loved that area so much probably because she loved it so much too. I didn't end up going there, but after college I got a job in Waupaca and I ended up living with her for almost a year until Thiago and I got married and moved into our apartment. She helped me do a bunch of wedding stuff and every morning we had breakfast together and we would talk. She would tell me a lot of the same stories, but I did enjoy hearing them. She had a bunch of funny things about her, like we all do. In the winter time, I didn't park in her garage, in the morning it had snowed A LOT, she was out there shoveling off my car.. this 78 year old shoveling off my car... something I was more than capable of doing, and in the end it had snowed too much for me to make it into work anyway. We ended up shoveling out her driving way then instead that morning, and getting subway sandwiches for lunch.
When Lua was born, we had no clue how long she would be in the NICU at Neenah. We didn't know if Lua would pass away at that NICU, we really didn't know she would be going to milwaukee... but my grandma let us all stay with her while we figured things out even if that meant a few weeks of us staying there. Not only did she let us stay with her while we were in Neenah, she also gave us money to pay for our stay at the Ronald house in Milwaukee.
Last year when we were switching to move over to waupaca, Thiago started working there before we moved, he then too ended up staying with my grandma a few days a week. I think she enjoyed the stay, he fixed a lot of her electronics for her. She told my mom later, You know he is a really smart guy!
I'm glad we have so many memories together. I have so many more that I could share, so many things she showed me and taught me in life. I'm glad for all the days I spent with her. I'm so sad we wont be making any more. She wont get to hold Sol, or any of the new babies that are coming into the family. I know she would love them deeply though.
She really meant a lot to me, I can't say enough how she really has been such a big part of my life and it really will be hard to start this new life with out her. I miss her so much already. I wish so badly I could have seen her recently. This reminds me over and over how you never ever know when it will be someones last day on earth. Whether it be a new born baby, someone in the prime of their life, or a grandparent. You just never know what tomorrow will bring.
But, my dear sweet baby Lua now has her great grandma to be with her again and love on her once more. I hope so badly they are together right now.
I love you Bucka, give my baby a kiss for me please!
Her first time holding Lua
May's first birthday party
May's second birthday party, one of her cousins.
The day May was born
May sharing some food with bucka at her first birthday
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